One photograph changed my life

For a long time, being photographed felt uncomfortable and sort of intrusive. I wasn't prepared to be myself in front of anyone's camera, whether it was a friends disposable, a family members shiny new lens, or even when my partner wanted to take a photo of us on holiday.

I just couldn't relax and unmask in that moment. I would make a silly face or pose to avoid taking the situation seriously. To avoid being seen for who I really am.

Strangely, I was always excellent at making photographs of people being absolutely themselves though. I have a natural affinity to hold a space in which my friends, family and clients can show up in whatever way feels just right for them on that day.

I love to create art that expresses this part of themselves with heartwarming honesty.

I just couldn't be the person in the photograph.

Then, in April '23 I met someone at a Photography retreat who changed my entire outlook on being photographed.

We had the opportunity to photograph each other and I nervously asked a fellow tog (what photographers often call each other) if I could make portraits with her.

Emily kindly said yes and to my surprise, stepped in front of my camera with complete ease and openness. I witnessed an inspiring freedom in being seen that I had not come across before.

We made some gorgeous photos of her frolicking in the woods, throwing leaves and thoughtfully gazing into the camera, and then, she announced it was my turn.

“Ah shit” was my immediate response.

I half planned to just sneak away after her turn but nope, she wasn't having any of it!

Reluctantly, I put my camera back in my rucksack and sat where Emily asked me to walk around a bit and hug a tree (the usual!) while snapping away.

Then, we sat together for a minute to chat and get to know each other better. I tipped my head back with a sigh of relief that this whole retreat wasn't as scary as I thought it would be and Emily uttered “stay right there”.

She whipped her camera to her eye and cooed with excitement as she made a portrait that changed my life.

“Is that really what I look like? I'm beautiful!"

I said through teary eyes when Emily showed me the back of the camera.

I couldn't believe it.

That's what I look like when I'm just focusing purely on myself?

When I'm not thinking at all about what I look like?

When I'm fully present in my own body?

That's the shape of the side profile I've been unhappy with since…well…forever?

I was so shocked, not only that I looked completely different than how I expected to in that photo, but that being photographed really is that simple.

You just have to be. Nothing more, nothing less.

I had been putting so much pressure on myself to put on a performance in front of every camera, trying to be the person I thought I should be remembered by, that I was distancing myself my own reality.

I know I'm not alone in this because I've photographed hundreds of folks who all have such varied experiences and thoughts about this very subject.

Since this experience, I've welcomed being photographed with open arms! I don't overthink it and I don't allow it to consume me in the way it used to.

Of course this was not an overnight process, but it kickstarted a period of self-discovery that dramatically improved my ability to hold space for others in this vulnerable but utterly grounding opportunity.

This retreat substantially grew my confidence, not only as a photographer, but also as a human being. It taught me just how much can be gained from allowing yourself to be seen.

It also led me to develop my signature offering ‘The Brand Story Experience’ where I lead ambitious souls on a creative journey of self-kindness and compassion.

Thank you for joining me here today - I really appreciate your time and would love to hear about your experience of showing up and being seen?

How do you feel about it? Has it changed over time? Please let me know by hitting reply and popping me a message.

I'd like to leave you with a blog post I wrote about confidence and what it means for those of us who have struggled to understand it.

It's a small but mighty read.

CONFIDENCE IS AN ACT OF REBELLION